as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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