At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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