how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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