I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
