I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
