No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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