Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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