mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
