am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
