whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
