i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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