you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it because I queefed?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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