woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
