What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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