Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
ok first of all what the fuck
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
