carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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