You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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