I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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