What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
