is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
