you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
