Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
