Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
