so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
