Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
