We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
