burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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