every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
