Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
