I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
