my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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