Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
