No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
