Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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