He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
