i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
