if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
