Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
