I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is wine microwaveable?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
