there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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