Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
