just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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