I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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