I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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