He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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