I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
