I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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