I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
