I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
