Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
