I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
