She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
