You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
